If your child was in danger, felt that something wasn’t quite right, or was being preyed upon by someone with unsavoury intentions, would they have the speech and language skills they need to communicate with you? At Kids First Children’s Services, we often chat with parents about why it’s so important for children to be able to communicate clearly. While speech and language skills are crucial for kids to play and learn, there’s another critical reason for ensuring that your child has strong communication skills: their safety.
When children can clearly articulate their feelings, experiences, and concerns, they’re better equipped to tell a trusted adult when something doesn’t feel right, when something worrying has happened, or when they or another child they know are in danger.
Sadly, we sometimes support children who have faced trauma that no parent could have predicted. These experiences highlight just how vital good communication skills are for keeping our children safe from exploitation and sexual abuse.
Here are some practical steps you can take to help your child develop the communication skills that will keep them safe and ensure their body safety: If your child was in danger, felt that something wasn’t quite right, or was being preyed upon by someone with unsavoury intentions, would they have the speech and language skills they need to communicate with you? At Kids First Children’s Services, we often chat with parents about why it’s so important for children to be able to communicate clearly. While speech and language skills are crucial for kids to play and learn, there’s another critical reason for ensuring that your child has strong communication skills: their safety.
When children can clearly articulate their feelings, experiences, and concerns, they’re better equipped to tell a trusted adult when something doesn’t feel right, when something worrying has happened, or when they or another child they know are in danger.
Sadly, we sometimes support children who have faced trauma that no parent could have predicted. These experiences highlight just how vital good communication skills are for keeping our children safe from exploitation and sexual abuse.
Here are some practical steps you can take to help your child develop the communication skills that will keep them safe and ensure their body safety:
Teach the Correct Anatomical Names for Body Parts
It’s essential that your children know the correct terms for their body parts. This knowledge empowers them to communicate accurately about their bodies, which is crucial if they ever need to tell an adult about something inappropriate that has happened. Avoid using “cute” names like “willy” or “vajayjay”; instead, use the proper terms like penis and vagina.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “This is your penis. It’s an important part of your body, just like your arm or leg.”
- Do: Use correct terms during bath time or when dressing to normalise the language and make it part of everyday conversation. Practise using these terms in different contexts so your child becomes comfortable with them.
Explain Body Privacy
Help your child understand that certain parts of their bodies are private and just for them. These include their genitals, bottoms, and mouths. Make sure they know that it’s not okay for anyone to touch these parts, nor should they be asked to touch someone else’s private parts.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “Your body is yours, and some parts are private. No one should touch your private parts, and you shouldn’t touch anyone else’s.”
- Do: Reinforce this message during daily routines, such as dressing or bathing. Use specific stories or books like Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders or My Body Belongs to Me by Jill Starishevsky to illustrate these concepts.
- Role-Play: Pretend to be a doctor or another trusted adult who asks to touch your child’s private parts during a check-up. Your child could practise saying, “I need my mum/dad with me.”
An alternative to role plays is using dolls or action figures to demonstrate inappropriate and appropriate touching. Ask your child questions about what the dolls should do in different situations and guide them through the correct responses.
Reinforce the Concept of Body Autonomy
Teach your child that their body belongs to them. No one has the right to make them do something with their body that they don’t feel comfortable with, including adults. Encourage them to assertively say “no” to unwanted touch.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “If anyone tries to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say ‘no’ and come and tell me right away.”
- Do: Practise saying “no” with your child in a firm and confident voice. For example, you can role-play a scenario where an adult tries to hug your child without their consent, and they practice saying “no” and stepping back. (You may need to let family and friends know that you are teaching this skill to your child. They can even help, by asking for your child’s permission before they touch your son or daughter.)
Discuss What to Do if Someone Violates Their Boundaries
Children need to know what actions to take if someone tries to touch their private parts. They should feel confident to say no, shout out, run away if necessary, and immediately tell a trusted adult what happened.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “If someone ever tries to touch your private parts, you can say ‘no,’ run away, and tell a trusted adult like me or a teacher.”
- Do: Role-play different scenarios with your child. For example, act out a situation where someone tries to touch their private parts and have your child practise saying “no,” running to a safe place, and telling you what happened. Reinforce the steps: say no, get away, and tell an adult. Use toys or dolls to role-play these situations if your child feels more comfortable that way.
- Interactive Games: Create a “safety drill” game where your child practises running to you or another trusted adult in different parts of your home. Make it fun by timing how fast they can find you and discussing why it’s important.
Discourage Keeping Secrets
Teach your children that secrets which make them feel bad or uncomfortable should never be kept. The only secrets that are okay are happy surprises, like a birthday gift or a party. Your children should always feel that they can come to you with anything, and you will listen and help them.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “We don’t keep secrets that make us feel sad or uncomfortable. You can always tell me anything, and I’ll help you.”
- Do: Create a daily sharing routine where you and your child share something about your day. This could be a simple game of ‘Sweet ‘n Sour’ or ‘Highs & Lows’ played at the dinner table, when you and your child share one high point (a positive experience) and one low point (a challenging or upsetting experience) from your day. This builds a habit of open communication, rather than secrets, and makes it easier for your child to share concerns.
Use Books as Conversation Starters
There are excellent children’s books available that address body safety in a child-friendly way and can provide a gentle introduction to these important conversations.
Here are some additional books that can help parents and caregivers teach children about body safety and personal boundaries:
- I Said No! A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private by Kimberly King and Sue Rama
This book provides a straightforward and relatable way for kids to learn about personal boundaries and what to do if someone tries to violate those boundaries. - No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders
This book empowers children to assertively say “no” and helps them understand their right to protect their personal space and boundaries. - Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman
A simple and effective book that teaches children about personal boundaries and that their body belongs to them. - Do You Have a Secret? (Let’s Talk About It!) by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos
This book helps children differentiate between good and bad secrets, encouraging them to talk about things that make them uncomfortable. - Some Parts are Not for Sharing by Julie K. Federico
A helpful resource for teaching children about body privacy and the importance of not sharing private parts.
What You Can Say and Do:
- Say: “Let’s read this book together. It talks about how everyone has parts of their body that are private and how to stay safe.”
- Do: Read and discuss the book with your child, asking questions and encouraging them to express their thoughts and feelings.
- Role-Play Scenario: Use scenarios from the book to role-play situations where your child practices saying “no” and telling a trusted adult. For example, if the book describes a situation where a child is asked to keep a bad secret, act out that scenario and have your child practise saying “no” and telling you.
- Discussion Questions: After reading a book, ask your child specific questions like, “What would you do if someone asked you to keep a bad secret?” and discuss their answers. This encourages critical thinking and reinforces the concepts you have been teaching your child.
Can Your Child Communicate Well Enough?
Communication skills are the cornerstone of safety for children. If your child struggles with age-appropriate speech, language, or problem-solving skills, it could be challenging for them to navigate these crucial conversations and situations.
If you have any concerns about your child’s communication abilities when they need them most, it might be helpful to seek advice from a speech pathologist. Early intervention can make a significant difference, helping your child develop the skills they need to stay safe and express themselves confidently.
If you have concerns about your child’s communication skills or would like support in helping them develop these critical abilities, please reach out to Kids First’s multidisciplinary team. Together, we can ensure that your child not only thrives in their play and learning, but also learns to express themselves so that they can stay safe.
