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What Bullying Is (and Isn’t): Understanding the Difference 

Bullying is a word that gets used a lot these days, and for a good reason- it’s a serious issue that can deeply affect your child’s well-being. However, it’s important to understand what bullying actually is, and just as importantly, what it isn’t. Sometimes, children – especially younger ones – might use the word “bully” to describe someone they’ve had a disagreement with, which can cause confusion for parents trying to support their child. Here, Kids First’s Child Psychologists take a closer look at what bullying really means and what you can do if you think your child might be experiencing it. 

Mother and child discussing bullying at home in Northern Beaches, Sydney, showing supportive communication.

What Bullying Is

At its core, bullying is repeated, intentional behaviour meant to hurt, intimidate, or control someone. It’s about using power – whether it’s physical strength, social status, or emotional manipulation – to make another person feel weak or afraid. Bullying can take many forms: 

  • Physical Bullying: This includes hitting, pushing, or any kind of physical aggression. 
  • Verbal Bullying: Name-calling, teasing, making threats, or spreading rumours. 
  • Social Bullying: Excluding someone from a group, encouraging others to reject them, or embarrassing them in front of others. 
  • Cyberbullying: Using digital platforms like social media or messaging apps to harass, threaten, or spread harmful information about someone. 

What Bullying Isn’t

While bullying is a serious issue, it’s also important to recognise that not all conflicts or disagreements between children are bullying. Young children, in particular, might use the word “bully” to describe someone they’ve had a fight with or someone who was mean to them just once. These situations, while upsetting, are often part of normal social development. 

Bullying isn’t just a one-time incident.

Bullying is different from a typical playground conflict where two children might argue or disagree. Conflict is a normal part of growing up and learning how to navigate social relationships. Bullying, on the other hand, is about a power imbalance and is persistent and targeted. Understanding this difference can help parents and teachers respond appropriately and support children in the best way possible.

Two children having a disagreement in a playground in Northern Beaches, Sydney, highlighting the difference between normal conflict and bullying.

What Can You Do If You Suspect Bullying?

If you suspect that your child might be experiencing bullying, it’s important to act right away. Here are some steps you can take as a first point of action: 

Talk to Your Child

Start by having a calm and open conversation with your child. Ask them to share what happened, who was involved, and how it made them feel. Make sure they know that you are there to listen and support them, no matter what. 

Listen Without Judgement

Let your child speak freely without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Show empathy and validate their feelings by saying things like, “That sounds really tough” or “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.” 

Gather Details

Try to gather as much information as possible about the situation. Who was involved? Where did it happen? How often does it occur? This will help you get a clearer picture of whether what your child is experiencing is bullying or a different type of conflict. 

Speak with Trusted Educators

Reach out to your child’s teacher or school counsellor. They can offer valuable insights into what’s happening at school and work with you to address the issue. Sometimes, they might have noticed things your child hasn’t told you about or can observe interactions that happen away from adult supervision. 

Create a Plan Together

Work with the school to create a plan that supports your child and addresses the bullying behaviour. This might include setting up a buddy system, checking in with your child regularly, or having a teacher keep an eye on specific situations. 

Parent and educator discussing a child's experience with bullying in Northern Beaches, Sydney, illustrating collaboration to support the child.

Concerned Your Child is Being Bullied? 

It’s natural to hope that conflicts or issues will resolve themselves over time, but when it comes to bullying, taking action is crucial. Speaking with trusted educators and getting a clear understanding of what your child is experiencing can make all the difference. Bullying can have serious effects on a child’s physical and mental health and hoping things will just “work themselves out” could put your child at risk. By staying informed, supportive, and proactive, you can help ensure that your child feels safe, valued, and heard, both at home and at school. 

If you have any concerns or need additional support, please reach out to our team at Kids First Children’s Services on (02) 9938 5419.  

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